Dear Qi: It's So Wrong It Must Be Right

Dear Qi,

I’m a nice girl looking for real love. I have friends who play by the rules (wait a day before you call back) and they have decent boyfriends. I’m always with the insensitive guys who tell me I could lose some weight (“just a little”), don’t introduce me to their friends (“it’s boy’s night”), and come over late night after they’ve partied. Right now I’m in a difficult relationship with a man who’s way older (lets just say his stylish outfits keep him from being mistaken for my dad), has a relationship history that has saddled him with “baggage”, and thinks calling me everyday interferes with his career. Every time I want to break things off I think, “If it’s so hard to be with him and I’m still in love it must be real.” In books and movies it’s always “real love takes hard work”, so am I with the right guy and just need to learn to work at it? Or am I with Mr. Wrong (again)?

Signed,

It’s So Wrong It Must Be Right

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Dear It’s So Wrong,

Here’s a simple adage for love – “Love Is Easy.” If it’s too hard then something is wrong and most likely will continue to be wrong for a long time. It will quietly and persistently bother you like a wobbly chair until, one day, things fall apart. Once in a girl’s life (or maybe a few times for the more dramatic members of my sex), it’s natural to want to indulge in a tumultuous affair, to feel like you’re the tragic heroine in an epic love story. But know when to stop. After you’ve experienced the tortuous romance, start following the simple rule. You’re right to say that couples who make it past the honeymoon period are in for plenty of hard work if they stay seriously committed. But if your guy can’t even bring himself to call you regularly, you’re not there yet. Remember, the falling in love part should be easy and fun. If it’s not, peel yourself off that squeaky chair and move on before it collapses on you.

Cheers,

Qi